I Am Enough

Speak Out

The first month following my diagnosis, I was nervous about sharing my new diagnosis with others. I wondered if this was really something I should be sharing with everyone. In fact, as I was doing my research on Multiple Sclerosis I came across an article that strongly encouraged people not to share that they have MS. The article was saying that a job may not want to hire you or be accepting of your new disability and that you should only tell your closest friends and family so they know what is happening with you. This is so disheartening to me that we can’t be honest with the people around us because essentially, we can’t trust them. The article is suggesting that we should suffer alone and silently sit in pain in hopes that no one will notice. We must not let anyone know that we are “weak” or “different”. It is already hard enough to have to battle an autoimmune disease, now you are encouraged to do it alone (I guess to be fair, with a few close friends). If anything, this article made me realize the importance of speaking out and being honest.

My reasons for speaking out:

• It raises awareness of the autoimmune disease.
• It helps others with MS or another autoimmune disease know they are not alone.
• It builds my community of support around me. I may not see everyone and/or have the opportunity to share with you in passing that I have MS, but this way you know, you can be supportive, and you can pray for me.
• It opens doors to connect with others (with or without the autoimmune disease).
• It has the potential to inspire someone to raise funds for MS or try to do something to help support those living with the MS. Maybe next year you will want to join me in the Walk for MS.

Defining My Identity

Personally, I was more afraid of what telling people might mean for my identity. How does this change the way people see me. Am I no longer the strong, athletic, fun, confident woman that I once was? Will you be afraid to be my friend because I might put extra stress in your life at some point? What are you going to say about me behind my back? Plus, telling others meant it was just one more way of admitting that MS is really real for me.

I started to realize that the devil was working really hard at making me believe lies and fears, and he had me worried about what others think of me (this shouldn’t be important, but for some reason, it is hard not to care). He was hoping that these fears would make me hide from others and be alone and afraid. The devil wants us to be weak and hopeless. He wants us to be filled with anxiety, fear, doubt, and worthless feelings so that he has more power over us. He works really hard to turn challenges in our lives into ways where we can’t find joy, hope, or happiness. The first few weeks following my diagnosis, he was winning that battle. But today, I am determined to not let the devil win. Even though it might be scary, I am going to step out of my comfort zone and share my life and hopefully grow closer to God.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8

I don’t have to live into these labels that are lies: shame, weak, embarrassing, worthless, and burdensome. Saying them now almost seems laughable. How could any of those words describe me just because I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that I did not choose or have any control over? Admitting that I have Multiple Sclerosis means that I am no longer in “perfect” health (that in itself is laughable because I have never had perfect health – I have Asthma, Allergies, and PCOS). But, my health has never threatened to hold me back from anything. These words, these lies, are trying to tell me that I am not good enough. I won’t be enough, and I will, in fact, become a burden on the ones that I love. I certainly don’t want to put extra stress on those that I love and that love me. They don’t deserve that kind of pain in their lives.

But, the real truth is, my friends and family love me and care about me. They will see my strength in my fight. They want to support me, challenge me, and walk alongside me. My hope is that God’s grace and goodness will be revealed throughout the way I live and how I choose to respond to my autoimmune disease. I am enough for God and I don’t need to worry about how this changes my identity.

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

1 John 4:4

I hope that as new fears, thoughts, doubts, and worry creep into my thoughts that I can remember that the Holy Spirit is living within me. He is stronger, greater, and more powerful than the devil. I can overcome my fears of the future and live in peace when I remember that my God is greater.

Greater

I encourage you whether you are a believer or not following along in my journey, to listen to this song by MercyMe. Or at least read the lyrics because they are so true for me and what I am going through. This song is based on the scripture of 1 John 4:4 (as written above) that God is greater, stronger, and grace-filled. We will have days where we fall short of who we want to be and where we want to be in our lives, but that doesn’t matter. God loves us and is fighting for us. He does not identify us by the false labels that we put on ourselves or that the devil tries to tell us are true. He sees us as his beautiful, worthy, strong, faithful children. We have been redeemed through his grace.

“Greater” by MercyMe

Bring your tired and bring your shame
Bring your guilt and bring your pain
Don’t you know that’s not your name
You will always be much more to me

And everyday I wrestle with the voices
That keep telling me I’m not right
But that’s alright

‘Cause I hear a voice and He calls me “redeemed”
When others say I’ll never be enough
And greater is the one living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world
In the world
In the world
And greater is the one living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world

Bring your doubts and bring your fears
Bring your hurt and bring your tears
There’ll be no condemnation here
You are holy, righteous and redeemed

And every time I fall there’ll be those
Who will call me “a mistake”
Well that’s OK

‘Cause I hear a voice and he calls me redeemed
When others say I’ll never be enough
And greater is the one living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world
In the world
In the world
And greater is the one living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world

He’s greater
He’s greater

There’ll be days I lose the battle
Grace says that it doesn’t matter
‘Cause the cross already won the war
He’s greater
He’s greater

I am learning to run freely
Understanding just how He sees me
And it makes me love Him more and more
He’s greater
He’s greater

There’ll be days I lose the battle
Grace says that it doesn’t matter
‘Cause the cross already won the war
He’s greater
He’s greater

I am learning to run freely
Understanding just how He sees me
And it makes me love Him more and more
He’s greater
He’s greater

‘Cause I hear a voice and He calls me “redeemed”
When others say I’ll never be enough
And greater is the one living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world
In the world
In the world
And greater is the one living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world

There’ll be days I lose the battle
Grace says that it doesn’t matter
‘Cause the cross already won the war
He’s greater
He’s greater

I am learning to run freely
Understanding just how He sees me
And it makes me love Him more and more
Oh, my God is greater
Than he who is living the world