I recently decided to be featured on a podcast, Thriving Over Surviving, with Edie Sohigian. She is a Multiple Sclerosis warrior herself and she finds other warriors to share how their core values impact their story. What I love about her podcast is it allows a platform for people to share honestly, but also has a focus on how so many of us with Multiple Sclerosis are thriving and enjoying life. We haven’t given up and we haven’t allowed it to slow us down.
In episode 105, we discuss how at the start of my diagnosis I was crippled with fear. For anyone who has been with me since the beginning, this is no secret. I have had to work my way out of the darkness of fear and into the light of hope. My core values in life are my faith, family, and vulnerability. All of these things are important in my story of overcoming fear. In this blog, I will be sharing how my faith in God helped me overcome the fear of my diagnosis.
FAITH
For anyone new coming to my blog, I am a believer in Jesus Christ, I believe he died on the cross to save us from our sins and rose again. I believe in the Trinity, and that only our faith can save us, not works or good deeds.
My Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis has impacted my faith. At first, I was angry with God. Disappointed that he would do this to me and potentially ruin my future. I was mad that he gave me a disease that literally is out of my control and could cause me to live anxiously for the rest of my life. What fun symptom is up next? I was mad that it happened to me. Why me?
It was a journey through prayer, tough conversations with God, and A LOT of reading. I was in a small group where we studied the book of Daniel and Lamentations. I don’t think I have ever shared this with anyone, but I had a really tough time studying the Bible with those women at that time. Not only is Lamentations a tough read, but it seemed like I kept getting life’s tough things dumped on me and everyone else was in a state of happiness. In a few short years, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, experienced two miscarriages, and lost my sister-in-law and my sister to cancer. That felt like a lot to handle and process. But, some of the best reads in the Bible to combat anger, fear, and frustration are Daniel, Job, Psalms, and Lamentations. Daniel was sent into the Lion’s Den to die, Job lost literally everything, and Lamentations is about death and destruction from sin, but it also reminds us to mourn over our sins and ask the Lord for forgiveness. I have also found the Psalms to be vital in learning how to mourn and call out to God with our pain and suffering. If you ever feel alone in whatever life’s handing you, remember that the Bible is full of stories of people who have been through tragedy, pain, suffering, and fear. I think our initial instinct is to pull away from God when really we need to be leaning in. See what it is that he has for us to learn, hand him that pain and suffering, and be honest with Him. Tell him how you feel. See what he wants to do with your life.
Learning how to lament was vital in coming out of the other side of the fear and anger in my diagnosis. You have to learn how to give your sorrow and pain to God and trust Him that it is in His hands. It causes us to lean into Him more, even with the pain and bitterness, rather than pulling away and trying to take it on ourselves. I needed to learn how to grieve my new diagnosis and the other pain in my life all the while trusting that God is in control, he has a plan, and my future is going to be good. Aside from reading scripture, I also read Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop (I believe I misspoke in the podcast and said it was Henry Cloud), and The Louder Song by Aubrey Sampson. These two books helped guide me through this season of lament. I had to journey with God through the fear, anxiety, and despair in order to get through it and find that there is joy, peace, hope, and life to be lived.
One of my favorite songs on the radio right now is Fear is Not My Future featuring Brandon Lake and Chandler Moore.
Fear is not my future – you are
Sickness is not my story – you are
Hello peace, hello joy, hello love, hello strength, hello hope
Thanks to Edie Sohigian for letting me share my story on her podcast. You can find her on Instagram, or go listen to her podcast by following the link below.
Instagram: @thrivingoversurvivingpodcast